Quote of the day "He that can't endure the bad will not live to see the good."
-Jewish Proverb

"Have yourself a very Merry Christmas!!!"
Christmas is my favorite time of year! It's a time to remember Jesus birth. A time to celebrate with family and friends. A time where you can use gifts to express your love and appreciation. I hope your Christmas was full of joy, love, and that all your Christmas wishes came true!
Mele Kalikimaka!

So much to say...

I feel like I have so much on my mind right now I don't have anywhere to put it! Anyone else out there ever felt like that??? I'm sure it's a feeling that has occurred before me. My life is at such a crossroads. (Maybe not a crossroads but I can't think of a better word) I have so many things I want to do and need to do. The time, money, inclination, or motivation just can't seem to mix at all! I feel like I have yet to finish anything in my life. Anything mildly important that is. How exactly does one make all these things work and work correctly? Recently I have just felt that I missed a major portion of training for my life! Like there was a class, study group, or crash course I was supposed to get but I apparently got lost on the way to that as well! I know God has a plan and is control. I don't doubt that at all. I doubt me. Which in a way could be a good thing. A way to remind me to lean on God more. (Which I'm pretty sure I've slacked in) Is there really not a better way to go about all this? Or is all the confidence and togetherness I see around me a facade? I have a lot to figure out and none of it is very new. So why haven't I figured it out yet??

On a different note Christmas is closing in quickly!! Yaayy!! I really do love Christmas. I just have a couple more gifts to buy and then I can wrap them! I love picking out gifts for people. Finding that perfect gift. It's so much fun to me! I want you to be shocked and excited when you get my gift. It doesn't have to be your favorite of everything but I want you to know I thought about it. Christmas was always fun at my house growing up. We always had extra people over and it seriously was an all day event. I have great memories of Christmas. I think that is part of my love for it. A friend posted a list on Facebook of her grownup Christmas List. On it she had things for others and nothing material. I think I am going to have to make my own list.

What is on your grown up Christmas list?

To eat another pancake breakfast

It has been a long emotional week. Late monday night my sister and I got a call from Hawaii (where I'm from) and my adopted Grandfather had been taken to the hospital unresponsive. At first I thought he might have a chance and texted my mom to let me know when she knew anything. She called me at midnight to tell me that he was gone. He had went onto the porch with a glass of wine to watch the sunset and when my grandma had gone out to talk to him he was slumped over, the glass shattered on the ground, and not responding to her. When the ambulance got there they tried to administer CPR but he was gone.

It hit me really hard. He was 93 years old and he wasn't blood but he meant a lot to me. He had a long and full life full of so many experiences. I spent a couple days a week with him in junior high as he tutored me in math, english, and science. He would tell me story after story of people he met being a pilot. About growing up on a farm and going to a one room school house. How he came to Hawaii and was on the Aloha Airlines airfield the day Pearl Harbor was bombed. It was so much fun spending time with him and even hearing the same stories over and over again. I would spend some weekends there hanging out with his grandaughter and he would always make us pancakes for breakfast. They were the most amazing pancakes ever. Even if we woke up late we would ask him to make them for us and he loved doing it.

When it hit me that I would never have another pancake breakfast again I broke down. It is hard to lose someone and Grandpa Howard was the first someone I lost that really meant something to me. I do have the comfort that Grandma believes he had the Lord and we will see him in heaven. But I still call expecting to hear him answer "Dorothy's answering service..." and wishing I could go over for another pancake breakfast.